The guido may be a species native to the east coast, but like Darwin's Finches, we west coasters have our own very similar indigenous population of douchebags. It's no coincidence that you can make a Persian flag by turning an Italian one on its side. That's right. Instead of Italian, ours come in Persian, Armenian, and other Eastern European flavors. Don't worry. They're still just as ethnically greasy and swollen with machismo. In fact, when it comes to plumage, they are virtually indistinguishable from the east coast variety with wardrobes full of Ed Hardy, Affliction, and Christian Audigier. They may not need a bridge or tunnel to get to the clubs, but you can be sure wherever they live, when they look toward Hollywood all they see is the back of the sign.

09:11 PM on February 23